The Glass House

Directed by Daniel Sackheim, starring Leelee Sobieski, Diane Lane, Stellan Skarsgard.

My wife and I were dulled by this long film, yet somehow we were drawn toward the conclusion. We were, of course, cleaning house while watching the film - she was sweeping the floor and I was folding laundry, so I suppose this was the perfect mode in which to watch this movie.

That's it! This movie can only really be enjoyed if you think of it as a Lifetime Saturday afternoon production.

Other than that, it's fairly dull. OK - plot layout - 16 yr old girl and 11 yr old brother's parents get killed - they have $$$$millns in inheritance, which their new guardians get - ergo, the girl suspects guardians killed parents . . . but she's dismissed as being an emotional teen (and grieving, to boot.)

Actually, the best character in this movie is the house, which is supremely cool, slick, made totally of metal and glass (hence the title . . . the guardians are also named Glass - how's THAT for slick, eh?!) and every wall seems to have the reflection of water. Now, I might not have been looking at the right time, but I could never tell WHERE the water was coming from, you know, in order to cause the reflection? I mean, dude! Where's the agua?

Wild.

Other than that. The girl was dull, the man (as the "possibly Evil - no wait! he IS evil - figure) was also dull. The wife, Diane Lane, who is "in" on the plot to rid the chilluns of der millyuns, conveniently O.D.'s 3/4ths of the way through the film. (that made me gag . . . I absolutely HATE "convenient" getting rid of characters like that!)

So, basically, if you want to design your own ultra modern house and need some good architectural ideas, this movie will give you some helpful hints. Other than that, you can give it a miss. You've seen this film a hundred times before, done better, done worse.

VG

Johnny Mnemonic

You probably vaguely remember it as that other movie that Keanu Reeves made just after his first Matrix movie . . . yeah, it's that one that you know he starred in, but for some reason you never got around to seeing it.

That's because it's not as good as the first Matrix movie. Basically, this is a B-sci-fi movie with just above b-movie budget special effects - but not by much. It's got all the elements of other sci-fi movies as well - the future world (which gives us both predictions . . . super techno AND post-apocalyptic destruction - this movie gets points just for trying to merge the two) . . . it's also got your paean to Terminator (an indestructable android who literally has a Jesus complex - hey, more points for that!) . . . it's got your Men-in-Black hero (but it loses points because Reeves is so FLAT - I mean, this guy seriously comes across as though he just wants his paycheck and to get on back home, knowwhaddimean?)

I think I've pretty much covered everything - oh yeah, your spunky tough-girl heroine, with one scene of a naked back to make you think there might be a little nudity (that's pretty standard in your b-scifi's) but there's really not enough character development to make her very likable.

That's what it is . . . there was no character development. You have all the sci-fi elements in this movie, but instead of being blended together to make a good product (like all the movies I've mentioned, to which this movie alludes, which are all GOOD sci-fi's), you have nothing but a plastic tub filled with discarded metal innards of various toasters and bicycle spokes . . . I hope you get the allusion, because I'm trying to create the image of a bunch of metal pieces rattling around but can never hope to make a coherent whole.

That's it. Johnny Mnemonic. Columbia Tri-Star. 1995. Directed by Robert Longo.

Watch only if you like sci-fi. Anybody else will be bored to tears.

And yes, I realize that I'm only seeing it now after 10 years. Hey, I've got a watch list that's a mile long. I'm getting to my backlogged books and movies just as fast as I can, OK?

VG

Adaptation

Spike Jonze, director. Columbia Pictures, 2005. Starring Nicholas Cage, Meryl Streep, Chris Cooper.

This movie is more than just a movie, it's a dissertation on how NOT to write a screenplay . . . and very aware of the fact. In fact, this movie intentionally does everything wrong in a screenplay and even makes mention of the fact in various aspects of the movie.

This is fantastic, I haven't been so excited by a twist in an art form since I encountered Italo Calvino's If On a Winter's Night a Traveler . . .

If you MUST have basic plot - a screenwriter tries to adapt a novel for the movies, but at the outset he claims that he doesn't want drugs, gun fights, car chases, none of that "Hollywood" crap. But then he finds he CAN'T adapt the damn book, because it's not really a "novel" in the conventional "story" sense, but more of a dissertation about a somewhat interesting character and a lot about plants. Actually, it's a rather hallucinogenic book about wanting to feel rather than actually feeling.

The best part of the movie is that the so-called "artiste" has a twin brother who, on a complete lark, attends one screenwriting class and then decides to knock out a screenplay of his own, and as he gives his twin the various plot hints (which are the WORST kind of kitchsy drivel) we can see our main character falling deeper and deeper into the slump.

That's the best bit, because the twin who is not at all serious about his "art" has SO MUCH MORE FUN than the professional. It's infectious. Plus, they banter back and forth about plot, characterization, literary theory, everything you ever talked about in a liberal arts college course.

If you've noticed I haven't mentioned Meryl Streep - that's because she puts forth the same emotive drivel that she always does. She's worthless - but her foil, Chris Cooper, playing the most likeable character in the Orchid Thief - possibly the deepest, most well-drawn character, but that's only because he has your standard "past tragedy" that makes him the current cretin that he is.

And that's what's great about this movie, because it uses all the stage tricks, every element that you've ever been hit with and it comes at you full force with the whole kit'n'kaboodle . . . and you love every minute, because you know what's happening and you feel as though you are part of a movie in the making, you feel as though you are actually writing the story along with our narcissistic screenwriter.

And I wish I could spoil the ending for you, but I won't, because there is one surprise . . . even though the rest has already been mapped out for you.

I tell you, I would love to read the screenplay for this movie.

Check it out. Especially all you liberal arts majors.

VG

Tim Burton's The Corpse Bride

Actually saw this in the movie theatre as a date with my wife.

Kinda makes you wonder what kind of couple we are, doesn't it? Actually, a lot more caring than if our idea of a romantic movie was House of Wax (which I haven't seen but when I do I'll let y'all know, ok?)

Be that as it may: both of us loved The Nightmare Before Christmas, which to this day, and even though this movie, remains Tim Burton's all-around best film - make no bones about it.

But the Corpse Bride has some of the same charming elements that made Nightmare so good. Mainly the characters: the Bride (who I thought was Helena Bonham Carter and my wife thought was Angelina Jolie - a bet which I won, thankyouverymuch!), Victor (Johnny Depp), and Victoria (Emily Watson) - voices all. But there are no unlikable characters, except for the mean-spirited parents of both our heroes.

Plus, wasn't Victor/Victoria a movie in the early 80's? I think there is a subtle homage here, but since I don't remember the film I couldn't exactly say what it is. Something for you to research there, dear friends.

The only detraction I found from the movie was . . . well, that it simply wasn't Nightmare Before Christmas. Which is really a terrible thing to do to a movie, you know, because you should be able to grade it on it's own merits, but with Tim Burton, you just can't help it. But let's try anyway . . .

the stop-motion animation is supurb. The jokes about maggots in eye sockets are anticipated and not terribly overblown, thanks! And we get the point with the "live people" living in a completely colourless world and the "dead zone" being completely lit up like some sort of cabaret. The obvious effect here being that the dead are more vibrant than the living . . . and I'm not giving anything away here because that was quite obvious and slightly overdone.

Oh yeah! I forgot the REAL bad guy, the one who marries for money then kills . . . sorry if that's a spoiler but it's not giving too much away, because I figured it out when I first saw the character, and trust me - if VERBLE G can figure out a plot line in advance then it's more transparent than clean air!!

However, there is a satisfying conclusion, and everything gets set right.

Overall, my wife and I liked the movie, but as I said before, the comparisons remain and it doesn't measure up. It just reminded me that I need to rent James and the Giant Peach sometime and see how that one goes. Just say a little prayer that I can grade THAT one on its merits alone.

VG

P.S. Warner Bros, 2005