Jumanji

Robin Williams

1995

My kids wanted to know what the movie was, and I described it for them as "Zathura with rhinos and lions" when actually Zathura (which came after) was really "Jumanji in Space."

I saw this movie when it came out in '95 and I'm glad it's held up so well (special effects-wise) over the past 12 years. It's a fun movie that occasionally gets a bit creepier than you expect, has moments of genuine fright.

. . . and those monkeys, frankly, are pure evil. Nasty little bastids!

VG

Sweeny Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street

Johnny Depp, Helena Bonham-Carter

a Tim Burton movie

2007


I really can't describe this movie with any justice. It's too good. It's also affecting. Can't explain.

Let me start by trying to say that my wife is a HUGE Johnny Depp fan. He could probably go on screen and pick his nose for two hours and she would talk endlessly about his brilliance. (Actually, that's not true . . . she loves him because she loves his acting, and if he ever did a part in which he sucked she would probably be inconsolable for days) - however, we, like Zanuck apparently, were withholding judgement until we saw him sing.

Which he can. Surprising, but he's excellent.

Tim Burton is a master of his craft. What I like most is that he has his distinctive style without ever simply repeating himself. Each of his works is definitely a Tim Burton film, but each is unique, and distinct. And I can't really say for sure until it's completely sunk in, but I think this film is the best that he and Depp have made together.

This is an excellent movie. You know that you are in the hands of master storytellers, in the middle of a fantastic story, which leaves you at the end feeling disturbed, uneasy, unquiet. As I said, this movie is "affecting." If it doesn't affect you, then quite frankly you have no soul.

I've heard reviews leading up to the release of the movie, mostly talking about how to classify this film (and the musical), but classification is not all that important. Let's us just say that this is grand theatre at its best: fantastic and perfect, without being pretentious.

The best commentary I heard about it was when NPR stated that Stephen Sondheim is famously critical of adaptations of his work, but that he stated that this film was "possibly the best rendition" of his musical.

I think that this movie is well worth the praise.

Wow.

Simply - wow!

VG

Around the World in 80 Days

Jackie Chan

I don't know to what extent this movie took liberties with the Jules Verne novel, because I haven't read it since I was prepubescent, but I would hazard a guess to say that the only similarity it the title and the name of Phineas Fogg.

Regardless, it's a fun-filled flick, with the wonderful Jackie Chan choreography that we've come to love and expect. Yes, if you like these flicks, you'll like this. I do. And I did.

It's not as humourous as the Shanghai Noon/Knights flicks, but then part of that humour I believe comes from Owen Wilson. This one is more straight Chan, i.e. on the run from assassins and kicking butt with whatever is available: stools, wooden benches, tie-ropes, umbrellas, the head of the Statue of Liberty . . .

Also, many good cameos - my favourite being the Schwarzenegger part in which he plays a narcissistic Kaliph.

All in all - a nice movie with which to pass a lazy afternoon.


VG

Ask the Dust

Colin Ferrell, Salma Hayek

Paramount, 2006

If you just read my previous post then you can probably discern that I was watching this movie at the time. Yes, Salma coughs slightly before midway through the movie. And [SPOILER ALERT] dies oh so beautifully/tragically toward the end.

At least that's what the movie wanted you to feel. But it never enticed you to feel it.

Basically, it's a tepid movie. It has the hard-boiled feel of 1930's writer trying to make it in LA, and along the way there are slightly interesting characters who are never fully developed (Donald Sutherland is the best example as the old homosexual who not only symbolizes the slow agonizing death of dreams in LA but in some strange way also symbolizes the tough-as-leather survivor - actually, now that I think about it . . . I think HE coughs and doesn't die. hmm. May have to rethink my theory)

The narrator's name is Arturo Bandini, which I seem to recall as the line from a song by Cyndi Lee Berryhill on her first album "Who's Gonna Save the World?" back in the late 80's, but since that's a 20 year old memory, it may not be completely accurate. However, it seems so familiar, and I can hear that voice mentioning that name, and I remember when I was listening to the album thinking that she had just slapped the name of one of her friends into the song, but now, with this character named that, I was thinking that perhaps Arturo Bandini was a real writer and that this movie is loosely based on his biography, but the credits say that its based on a novel by John Fante, so I'm fairly confused as to whether Bandini is real or fictional. That will involve more research.

Unless one of you, my doting fans, would like to post some information to enlighten me. (doing the research for me, in a sense. Thanks!)

All in all, Ask the Dust is something you can miss. Well, ok, (and please don't let my wife slap me for this!) it's worth it just to forward the movie to the part where Salma goes skinny-dipping in the ocean -

.niiiiice!


VG






P.S. I've been thinking all day that maybe I was too critical of Ask the Dust. There were some good points to it: namely, the way that it showed the overall racism of America, even though LA was then (as now) full of different races. However, the desire to be "white" is what holds these characters back from being fully honest with each other, and it's the pressure to be white that forces them together. There's also a scene with a minor character that is actually very touching and sad - in that she is so desperate for affection that she is willing to enter into a fantasy for Bandini that she is "the Mexicana" (i.e. the land that is now LA) and he the "America" come to ravish her.

and the voice-over's not all that bad, either.

OK, I feel better now.

VG

coughing

I hate coughing in movies. Because it's never just a cough. It's always a precursor to some long lingering death.

A character who coughs once during the first quarter of the movie, well, I know that this is going to be on long drawn-out tragedy of a lingering death.

I'm tired of every detail in movies being "important" - everything that means something and it all comes back full circle, etc.

But then, thinking over it, I don't like movies where most details are irrelevant either.

Maybe I don't know what I like or don't. But, at least, maybe once they could make a movie where a character coughs and doesn't later die of tuberculosis or lung cancer.

VG

Ghost Rider

Nicholas Cage, Eva Mendes, Sam Elliott

Columbia, 2007

Hmm. Not bad for another Marvel comics movie spinoff. This one however, rates about as high in their movie canon as does the comic book hero himself, that is to say, unless you REALLY like Ghost Rider, you probably won't get much out of this one.

Sure, the actors are all OK, ( and Sam Elliott is eternally "cowboy cool"!!) and I must say that Peter Fonda plays an interesting (but not very unique) Satan. However, I wonder how many people thought it interesting that the guy who made Easy Rider is now playing a Devil who "creates" easy riders!

It has its fair share of special effects and one-liners and at least it knows it is what it is: a comic book on the big screen.

Great version of "Ghost Riders in the Sky" finishes off the end credits, and must be mentioned because it IS perhaps the best part of the movie.

VG

Nanny McPhee

Emma Thompson, Colin Firth

Universal Pictures, 2006

and no, contrary to what the cover claims, this is NOT the "New Mary Poppins" - Mary Poppins (and Mrs. Doubtfire) were well-made movies with great character development and wonderful plot. This is a nice movie, but no Mary Poppins.

Not that it's bad. It just could have been better. For instance, the kids are bad behaved but there's no real sense that they begin to learn anything much, because there seems to be such a distance between the characters. I don't understand or perhaps I can't explain it well enough, but nobody really seemed to be connecting. Basically, it just became a farce along the lines of Mike Myers' version of Cat in the Hat.

However, there was one great scene in the movie, which was pure genius in the writing, because of its simlicity. I'll give it away for you here:

Plot: widower has seven rambunctious children and can't keep a nanny. However, there is a dowdy uneducated plain-Jane farmgirl working for him who actually establishes a real rapport with the children, who scorn her for being "just a maid" - quarterway through the movie she takes off with the obscenely wealthy patron of the widower, for two reasons: 1) to allow the children to stay together (she goes in their place) and 2) to become educated and classy.

The farmgirl returns at the end of the movie: cultured, refined, elegant, prim, proper - the kids are awed by her presence - stunned, in fact. The father, without skipping a beat, states matter-of-factly, "Don't be silly, she always looked like that."

Which was BRILLIANT!!! That one line spoke volumes about his true emotions - how he always viewed her with the eyes of love (cheesy, I know, but when you have a line that speaks volumes more than what it actually states, you don't need cheese) -

So I say, very well done, to whomever of the myriad persons working on this film put in that one line.

The rest of the movie - well, it's nice, but not great.

VG

Crank

Jason Statham

Lionsgate, 2006

I've liked watching Jason Statham kick butt ever since I saw the Transporter, so of course, this "adrenalin-fueled thrill ride" and "hardcore action classic" (as the credits on the box claim) delivers. Yes, it's an hour and a half of pure action. Good stuff.

PLOT: hit man in LA gets injected with chemical that inhibits adrenalin and will kill him if he doesn't keep running (it's sort of like the movie Speed, only Statham is the bus) - so he's got only about an hour or two to get back at the mobsters and thugs who did this to him before he croaks.

A little heavy on the gratuitous blood spurting out of headwounds and chopped hands, etc. A little too much of the insipid girlfriend (you wonder how he could have actually fallen for her) but some of the best moments are the dialogue between him and his "doctor" (Dwight Yoakum) and what happens to one poor cabbie when he absconds with the man's vehicle.

All in all, not as good as some of his other films, and again it's a little "too" violent, but if you want action, this is a good one to watch.

VG

The Golden Compass

Nicole Kidman, that guy who played the last James Bond, a girl with some sort of strange name, and one really cool CG ferret (who is by far THE best character)

2007

I keep hearing that The Golden Compass is controversial, and I do not see what is so controversial about it - perhaps the word choice? "Daemons" meaning "soul" and "dust" (with all the drug implications) as a portal to other worlds? Would someone please tell me why exactly the inimitable "THEY" are calling this movie controversial?

The only thing truly in controversy is the plot, which it weak at best. Also, it was edited poorly, as there seem to be clips misssing (her jumping off the ice bridge that's cracking under her feet, for example), characters that are there but disappear half an hour into the movie (most notably, Mr. Bond)

and yes, the thing sets itself up for a sequal, which I always find rather presumptuous for a movie (excepting, of course, The Lord of the Rings, which was born a trilogy and can actually be considered one 14-hour movie split up over 3 years!) and that "ending" is in itself an indicator of bad scripting.

However, the ideas are interesting, and if handled differently (i.e. more coherently) this could have been a superlative film. As it stands (or falls), the movie is like a chair made of the finest mahagony but built without any sort of measurements or plan - so basically you come away with a nice looking, but rickety footstool.

VG

Beowulf (2007)

Angelina Jolie, Anthony Hopkins, some guy as the hero whose name I don't know.

I couldn't help but compare this to another Beowulf that had been made in recent years (about which I haven't posted yet, but should) and I know it's not fair to compare (should stand on its own and all that) but I just can't stop myself.

Actually, instead of comparisons, let me just talk about the movie's strength: the 3-D CG . . . I didn't expect to go to the 3-D version but on Turkey Day my wife and I headed to the theatre and even though it was on 15 of the 50 screens, the 3-d was the only one starting when we got there (got rooked for $11 a ticket too! sheesh!)

but, graphically-wise, it was worth it . . . 2 hours of spears and flames and droplets of CG blood flying off the screen at our virtual eyes (no wait! our eyes are real - the blood is virtual - OK, got it) and I liked the fact that when Beowulf became king that during his reign there was a scene in which people were acting out his adventures and speaking in the original Old English in which Beowulf was written. That was a nice homage to Mr. Anonymous writer of our English culture's original epic.