Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Kate Blanchett, Geoffrey Rush, Clive Owen

2007

This movie definitely will be filed under the category of "What the Hell-OH was that?"

I swear I found it difficult to sit through this lugubrious piece of mush. I wanted to be anywhere but there, and the only reason why I didn't turn it off is because I had been promised from the previews a majestic battle scene wherein the British fleet tears apart the snooty Spanish Armada.

But even that was a let-down, probably because you blink and it's gone. Over. Phoot.!

Forgive me for not being an expert in Elizabethan biography, but in what little I've studied I've never come across any hint that she might have had an illicit attraction to Sir Walter Raleigh, so I can't weigh in upon that. Also, her half-sister, Mary Queen of Scots, I seem to remember some intrigue there, and I'm not certain if she had her put to death, but it's possible, but regardless - that was a minor subplot to the movie, but if the movie had dealt with it more it would have been more interesting, but instead what we have is a

maudlin mopey movie about her deeezires! She spends most of the time wondering if she could allow herself to feel love or not, and please don't think I'm insensitive, I mean, I want everybody to be happy, even my fictionally historical characters, but

Queen Elizabeth, for the sake of God and Country - IS - STRONG!

She's not some prancing nancy all simpery and worried about her "feelings" - she ruled one of the greatest eras in one of the greatest countries/nations in the entire world, and this movie has her crying over everything, worried about everything, uncertain about everything. Seriously, I understand when movies try to humanize our icons, and that would have been OK if the movie had been entitled Elizabeth: Her Tragic Internal Turmoil. But no, this is the GOLDEN AGE and it should have been about the Golden Age,

and oh yes, it should be noted that the Spanish were cartoonish figures and what was the deal with that little girl with the little voodoo doll of our beloved queen? And Philip of Spain, and the rest of his lispy dandies had FAKE Spanish accents, by the way . . . (thanks to my wife for spotting that one!)

Oh I've already gone on too long. Give this one a miss. Seriously.


VG